Wednesday, May 25, 2005

My Greatest Fear

(CAUTION: Heavy thoughts ahead... proceed with caution)

Well, I may as well say it out loud. It's been my biggest fear for the last 17 years now... The fear that my daughters would follow in my footsteps...

You may be wondering why all this is coming up right now; Well, this month and year is very significant for me. It's the month and year I have been "anxiously dreading" for so long. Weird, I know. But that's me, huh?

On May 20th, my oldest daughter, Julia, turned 17 years old. Just five short days ago, she became the age I was when I gave birth to her.


And guess what? She didn't become pregnant at the same age. WHOA! And she didn't make the same choices that I did at 17. Why, oh why did I worry for so many years that somehow I had begun a cycle that would continue on and on for generations? I must have watched too many Oprah Winfrey shows. What was I thinking? I had the mindset that I had ruined it for everyone... that all my girls were destined to become teenage mothers simply because it had happened to me back in 1988.

Well, so far so good. It didn't happen. She's got a good head on her shoulders and I also believe that she's actually been listening to me all these years! All the mini-lectures and heart-to-heart conversations didn't go to waste! She listened! Okay, I can't take all the credit for it... But I'd like to think that some of my counseling has paid off. Honestly, I can't say my daughter is perfect, but in a not-so-small way, she has led me to believe that things will work out perfectly. She's planning out her life. She's taking steps to achieve her dreams. She knows how special she is. She knows how much I cherish her. Happy 17th birthday, my heart.

One down, four more to go...

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